THE BLOB EMOJIS ARE DEAD AND HELL YEAH.
- Admin
- 23 sept. 2017
- 4 min de lecture
I am not usually a hater, but this time baby gurl, I am one. The blob emojis are dead and I am dancing on their graves.
What are blobs?
You know emojis right, well, blobs are Androïd’s cheap version of emojis. Which is ironic because Androïd made «emojis» before Apple, but the later ended up mastering the concept. Blobs are like little yellow ghosts (?), or more like yellow puddings of emotions (?). You know what, a picture speaks louder than words, so here it is :
ekh look at this poser, showing confidence while he ain't shit.
Why so much hate you may ask? Well, it’s irrational, I don’t have a valid reason to spill my tea. They annoyed me the first time I saw them, and I despised them ever since. Every time I see a Snap made by an Android user, I have a mixed feeling of pettiness and disgust. The apparent pixels of the Snaps made me hate them even more. I have to admit, I may have a problem with Android in the first place. The interface, the lack of elegance and ergonomy, and … the stupid blobs. I think it is obvious that I am an iOs user, but you know what, I am not even proud of that. I wanted to change boards many times. Even though aesthetically Apple is prettier to me, their shits are too expensive and exclusive, but the blobs man,… huge turn-off. The iOs emojis are simple, direct, without squishy michy tendencies. Trying to cute the human emotion was to me, a sign of trying too hard. And trying too hard to be cute, is not cute.
As you know Apple’s battery is a real issue, - that they seem not to care and prefer creating morphing emojis non-sense instead -, so the other day I was thinking about getting a Sony Xperia. The design is okay, I heard the picture quality was above average and they are not too expensive, so as a smart consumer I decided that it was time for me to take what’s best in terms of value for money. But when I was in the Sony section of the store, I tried to manipulate one of their smartphones, and I just clicked on the menu that my immediate reaction was: UH disgusting."
I just really dislike the Androïd interface, it makes no sense to me. Why are you the way you are? You look like a draft version of an interface. But then I was like, calm yo tits, you are just being a posh Apple user considering everything else as peasants…then I remembered the blobs, and left the store.
You know what, wallahi I’m going to try to intellectualize my aversion of blobs. There must be a concrete reason that I didn’t put words into, and I am going to find it. Try me.
Emojis are here to embody the tone of your message, to give some sort of life to your words and your sentences. Whether we acknowledge it or not, we are careful of the emoji we use to not express the wrong intentions. But maybe it’s just me. Maybe I am a very pernickety type of person, who always looks for the most relevant way to express a thing, and the closest words to my thoughts to share a message, therefore my choice of emojis does not bypass the rule. Ok it's not maybe, I am this kind of person. You can be sure that to me, two smiley emojis does not mean the exact same feeling, even if the difference is very subtle. It’s totally legitimate, otherwise, why bother creating different types of smiles, if not to express different tones of a smile, like in real life. And the virtual life has the purpose to imitate reality. I do stand by this. (... subject to exceptions.)
A blob, by trying to be cute, already sends a non-verbal message, altering de facto the tone of my missive. It is a form of betrayal of my intentions. It puts my words, therefore me, in a position of perpetual kawaïness that I am not into. And by trying to be cute, it shows a sort of vulnerability that I did not sign up for. It weakens my game. There you have it, blobs are not the messengers I want because they distort my content by already sending unsolicited signals. They are communicational saboteurs and are not to be trusted.
The new Google emojis are okay I guess, even though the relief of the shapes, the unnecessary brightness of the colors, and the bold lines of the drawings still make me uncomfortable...
But now that the blobs are gone, reconsidering switching teams is less painful, but then again, Android still has this draft of an interface, and most Android snaps on Snapchat still makes me want to give some money to a charity.
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